Sara or Sofia
by msgrits
Summary: Sara comes back from a conference to find Grissom flirting with Sofia. What next? New chaps...sorry it took so long
1. Default Chapter

Title: Sophia or Sara?

Author: Msgrits

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI but I have a very cute godson.

Pairings: G/S bit

Ratings: R

Spoilers: I watch all reruns on Spike TV and have viewed the DVDs at least once. What do you think?

Thanks to my beta Ruth is funny, forthright and I don't have another "F" word.

**Chapter 1**

Catherine eyed the blonde woman talking to Gil, Sofia from the day shift. Catherine knew trouble when she saw it, and this woman was trouble. Nick's voice came from behind her.

"What's going on with Grissom and the dayshift fox?"

Catherine's gaze didn't waver. "That's what I'm wondering. She always seems to find a reason to stay late and talk to him and he likes it."

The dark haired man came and stood beside her. "More than he likes talking to Sara?"

Catherine moved her head from side to side. "Let's hope not."

"When is she coming back?"

Sara turned into trace where Sofia was leaning over a report that Grissom was showing her. She appeared not to be wearing a bra and her breast had found a home on Grissom's back.

Sara surprised herself. She had not let her mouth open and her voice did not squeak. Across the lab Catherine was channeling her own self confidence and pose into Sara's body.

"Hi Grissom, I just wanted to let you know I'm back"

The stool that Grissom was sitting on fell as he stood. He wiped his sweaty hands on his lab coat.

"Sa... Sara. I thought you weren't coming back until next week."

"I emailed you that I had enough continuing ed credits and that I was coming back today. Catherine needs my help on a case."

Sara extended her long fingers to meet Sofia's, "Hi, I'm Sara Sidle. I don't think we've officially met. You work the day shift right?"

Warrick had joined Nick and Catherine. "Damn! I would not want to be Grissom right now."

"I thought Sara wasn't coming back til Wednesday."

Catherine turned back to her experiment. "I 911ed her. Told her I needed her for a case."

Nick laughed. "You didn't."

"I did."

Sara picked up the report from ballistics and went to the audio visual lab.

Catherine was looking through surveillance tape from a take over robbery at the Mirage.

Sara sat next to Catherine. They didn't look at one another.

"So?"

Sara smiled. "Thanks for the call."

"No problem. I am sure you would do the same if a certain golden eyed CSI was about to be led astray by a day shift hussy."

"Indeed."

"I really do need your help though."

"You've got it."

Grissom leaned back and regarded Sofia. He took a deep breath. "So I'll pick you up at 7?"

Sofia smiled. He was a cute. "Ah Ms. Sidle just made it abundantly clear that you sir, are taken."

"What?"

"How much does that little bitty thing dead lift? She almost broke my hand."

She extended her hand to show Grissom the red impressions that Sara had made.

Sara stuck her head in Grissom's door. "Hey I'm going. Archie has all my reports."

Grissom took off his glasses.

"Sara, can you come in for a second?"

She stepped across the threshold and stood in front of his desk. God she was beautiful. He faltered as he began to speak.

"Sofia said..."

Sara looked down at him impishly. That mouth. Her mouth was full and luscious.

"Sofia seems to think that you told her, for lack of a better word, that I was taken"

Sara continued to stare. Her coral colored lips twitched a bit.

"Grissom I think I may be confused. Is there a question?"

"Did you indicate that I was taken?"

Her mouth had become a hard line. "Are you?"

"Sara I still don't know what to do about this."

Sara sat on the edge of his desk. Her bottom was perilously close to his hand. He looked to make sure his door was closed. He wondered if it was locked.

Sara watched as Grissom began to chew at his bottom lip.

"Are you going to answer me?"

"So what exactly is going on with you and....what's her name?"

"That's really none of your business Sara."

The words came out to quick and they both knew it.

"Then how did my, 'indication' of your availability come up?"

Sweat covered his upper lip and drenched the mustache of his beard. She wondered what it tasted like.

"Well...we are going out to dinner."

Sara stared into his eyes. That man had the most incredible eyes.

"So you won't go out to dinner with me, but you will go out to dinner with her. She does work here you know, and while you aren't her supervisor you do outrank her."

"It's not the same Sara, she doesn't report to me."

"And she's only a year or two older than I am."

"Sara you are taking this out of context."

"Am I? I leave for four days and I come back and you're asking another woman out to dinner."

"Another woman, Sara what are you talking about? Sara we are not...You know what I mean. We don't. That was a long time ago."

Sara moved her bottom closer to his hand. She stared.

He blinked. Was it getting hot in here?

Silence

"So I guess I can ask out Rob from day shift and it would be okay with you."

"Rob the body builder with the hair. He's an air head. Sara he is so beneath you."

"Oh, okay, how about Bobby?"

"Bobby is a nice guy, but he is a little naïve don't you think?"

Sara snapped her fingers. "Nick! I could ask out Nick. He's smart and good looking."

Grissom began to sweat in earnest. "You can't ask out Nick."

Sara held his gaze. "Well who can I ask out, at CSI that is? I mean if you aren't taken then that means I'm not taken and we are free to date anyone we want. Tell you what. I will even make things right with Sofia."

"Sara..."

He looked up to find her gone.


	2. 2

**Chapter 2**

Nick found Sara in the locker room. "Hey gorgeous."

_If only._

"Hey Nick."

"How was your conference?"

"Good actually. Nick, do you think I'm pretty? I mean do you find me attractive? I mean..."

The tears were on her face before he could process it all. "Sara, please don't cry."

Nick sat next to her and she buried her face in his neck.

When she finally looked at Nick he saw embarrassment in her eyes.

"Hey none of that," he said softly as he tucked an errant curl away behind her ear. "You don't ever have to be embarrassed by anything you do around me, okay? Hey, let's go out for dinner tomorrow while they are doing the lab deep clean. What do you say?"

"Oh I forgot about that."

"We can dress up for a real meal for once. My treat. You up for it?"

She smiled and nodded.

"And Sara I think you are a fox."

It was nice to hear, even if it was just from a friend.

The black dress that Sara wore was short, very short. The whimsical fabric stopped well above her knees and the tiny straps came around her shoulders to form a thin halter top. Her long smooth legs were bare and her feet were encased in black strappy sandals that were perilously high.

When she opened the door for Nick she thought something might be wrong. He stood in the dark hallway saying nothing.

"Nick?"

He blinked several times. "Sara...Damn Sara"

She looked down at the dress. She had never been good at the girly stuff. "Do I look okay?"

"Sara I know that we are just friends and I know that's probably all we will ever be, but damn you're so hot!"

She grinned as she took Nick's arm

It was Sofia who noticed them first, the wiry dark haired CSI from night shift who made all the female officers, and a few male ones, all aflutter when he walked through a crime scene.

His back was to them and Sofia could see that beside him stood a tall, willowy brunette. Her dress was nearly backless and barely covered what it should have.

She nodded to where the couple stood chatting amiably with the hostess. Nick's arm was casually draped around Sara's shoulders. They looked, happy and relaxed. "Isn't that Stokes?"

Grissom turned his head just in time to catch a glimpse of Nick and Sara being seated directly across from them.

He had the presence of mind to clamp his mouth shut and to the untrained eye he seemed to be calm, but Sofia saw the little pulse rise up in his neck. It was the same pulse that she had seen when the night shift supervisor was particularly irritated by her boss Conrad Ecklie.

"I guess you were right. I misread Sara. She appears to be taken."

Grissom's eyes never left Sara's back. "I guess so." He swallowed his bourbon in one gulp and signaled the waiter for another.

They were on their second course, and still Nick and Sara had no idea that they were in full view of Grissom and Sofia. In fact, they had not idea that the other couple was in the restaurant.

They were on their main course when Sara excused herself to go to the ladies room. When she opened the door to leave, Grissom was posed languidly against the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had positioned himself so that she would be the first thing she saw when she opened the door.

Sara teetered on her heels. "Grissom! What are you doing here?"

"For a woman that was supposedly so smitten with me less than 24 hours ago, you seem to have recovered fast"

Sara looked at him in confusion. "Grissom...It's not what you think." Why was she trying to explain herself to him?

He moved closer to where she stood. His lips were less than an inch from her mouth. His eyes were hot with anger and betrayal. He knew that he was behaving irrationally, but he couldn't stop himself.

"And tell me Sara, where does one find a dress with so little material?"

She tried to think what to say. What was Grissom doing here and why was he behaving like this? Her mouth went dry as her eyes took in the dark suit and silver tie that Catherine said brought out his eyes.

"Grissom..." her mouth opened and closed a bit. "I don't understand..."

A Texas accent came from the right of them. "Sara what did you do, fall in?"

Nick's words faded as he took in the scene. He looked from one to the other.

Sara's voice was thin and trembling. "Nick, can we please go?"

The younger man stepped in between them and put his arm around Sara. "Sure we can go sweetie."

He scowled at Grissom. "What are you doing? Why can't you just leave her alone? Do you get off on making her feel bad? How did you know we were here anyway?"

Nick felt Sara's body rack with sobs as he propelled her away from Grissom. Gil tried to touch her when he saw the tears running down her face.

"I swear man, if you lay one hand on her I will be out of a job and you will be out of some teeth."

Grissom swallowed hard and watched the couple as they walked away.


	3. 3

**Chapter 3**

At Sara's apartment, Nick closed Sara's bedroom door. She was in a fitful sleep. He took a pillow and blanket from her hall closet and settled himself on the couch.

He was taking off his shoes when he heard the knock. Frowning he went to the door and looked out.

Grissom.

Nick opened the door. He kept his voice low. "She's asleep. Actually, she cried herself to sleep."

"Nicky I didn't come to argue with you. I came to see Sara."

"No"

"What!" Their voices were rising.

"I said no Grissom. Someone has got to protect Sara from you because she doesn't have enough sense to protect herself."

"From me...I'm not the one that's taking advantage of Sara. You seem to have made yourself at home."

"This might be hard for you to understand Grissom, but Sara and I are friends. That means we are there for each other. We care about one another. Unlike you, I don't feel the need to jump into bed with every CSI or suspect that strikes my fancy. The rules and standards don't seem to apply to you big guy. Why is that?"

Nick's voice was well within yelling range.

Sara's door opened and she stood on the threshold wearing nothing but panties and a t-shirt that came to her knees. Grissom was surprised to see that it was a T-shirt she had borrowed from him at a crime scene the first year she worked for him.

Her face held little surprise. This is what Grissom did. He pushed her away and pulled her back.

"Sara"

"Yes Grissom"

"I need to talk to you."

There were deep circles under her eyes and her alabaster face was pale even for her. She didn't move from the door.

"Talk"

"Can we have some privacy please?" He glared over Nick's shoulder.

Sara gave a half hearted wave. "It's okay Nick. I promise if I need anything. I'll call."

"Sara" Nick's voice was weaved with worry and concern.

She moved past Grissom and took Nick's hand. "Scouts honor."

After Nick left, Sara and Grissom regarded one another. "I won't ask you to sit down because I doubt it will take you that long to read from the script that we have both memorized."

Grissom's heart sank. It was finally too late. She was done with him. What had he thought, that he could reject her forever and pick up the pieces when it suited him? Yes. He had thought that her love for him knew no limits.

"Sara...I don't know what to say to you."

"That makes sense. I don't think there is anything left to be said."

Sara leaned against the wall mimicking his stance from earlier that night.

"I assume you were not out to dinner by yourself. Sofia?"

He looked at her guiltily. "You know Grissom you have made it clear as crystal that you are not interested in me so I am not sure why you find it necessary to keep me like a dog on a leash. I am tired Gil Grissom; tired of your double standards; tired of you lying by omission; just tired Grissom."

His blue eyes were dark and guilty. "Sara..."

Sara looked past him. "You know I got dressed up tonight to have a nice dinner with one of my dearest friends. You see he wanted to cheer me up because he found me crying in the locker room. I put on this dress I have been saving. You know women do that? We buy clothes and we put them at the back to the closet waiting for that special guy to ask us out."

She pulled at the hem of the t-shirt.

"I thought I looked, well, good, but you showed up and suddenly I felt like a whore."

She turned back to look at him. "But then maybe that was a compliment because you like whores don't you?"

The sting hit Grissom at his core. How had he let things get this far? Like a drowning man he reached for safety.

"Sara..."

Her hands hit his face and torso. He let her. Eventually his hand found her waist and he pulled her close to him. The blows stopped and she wrenched her body away from him.

Grissom touched his lip. He wasn't surprised to see blood on his hand.

"You're bleeding."

"I deserve it."

"That's no excuse for violence."

She didn't know where the giggle came from. He was relieved to see the gap between her teeth.

She emerged from the kitchen with antiseptic and a frozen pack of peas. She pointed to the couch.

After cleaning the two cuts on his lips she directed him to hold the frozen package to his mouth. He spoke out of the side of his mouth.

"You looked wonderful tonight."

"Grissom we don't have to rehash all of this."

"Gil"

"What?"

"That's my name Sara. That's what my mom calls me. That's what my two best friends call me. That's what my Aunt Maria calls me. Gil."

Her eyes softened around the edges. "You have an Aunt Maria?"

"It's required. We're Italian."

She peeled the bag from his fingers. "It looks better."

They stared at each other for a time. His hand grazed her glossy hair.

"Sara."

A tear slipped from his eye. "I should go. I had no right to come here."

It wasn't until he stood that he realized that she was holding his hand. "Gil...you know you fight for everything else. You fight to make sure that criminals go to jail. You fight to protect your team. Why won't you fight for me? "

He pulled her against him. He didn't say anything for a long time.

When he finally spoke it was with the resolve of a man that had nothing to lose.

"I had absolutely no right to come here tonight. I had no right to interrupt your evening with Nick. I don't deserve you. You deserve much better than me. I told you once that you should have a life. I want you to have life. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I have made. I don't want you to be consumed by your work and look back and find that half a century has gone."

"You make it sound like you're dead."

"In some ways I am."

His eyes flitted across her chest. Her nipples were dark with arousal and strained through the material of her t-shirt. Her eyes followed his gaze.

"I forgot that you still had my shirt."

She smiled.

Suddenly Grissom was aware of his own arousal. Sara saw herself mirrored in his eyes.

She leaned into him. Her breast touched his chest. She kissed the side of his mouth then his lips. She took his hand, stood up and pulled him along behind her.

He stood at the end of her bed. He was bare-chested. His hand was working on his pants. She started to rise and help him.

"Don't move." His eyes went over her. Her skin was a heavy peach luster on a pale canvas.

His eyes found the pink between her legs. She parted them a bit more. He moved her thighs apart to see all of her. He felt her resistance. He moved to lie beside her.

"Sara look at me" She turned her face to his. "I want to see all of you, every inch. I want to taste you; smell you; feel you against me."

He ran a thumb under the chin. He stroked her hair. "Tell me what's wrong"

"I know that I am not as sexual as some women." He knew she meant Catherine and sorely hoped that she hadn't bought into the old gossip about the nature of their relationship

"Sara, what did I do to make you uncomfortable?"

She ran her hand across his bare chest.

"I have only been with three men in my life."

"I know."

He played with her fingers as she laughed. "How do you know that?"

"Well I figured what's his face in Boston."

"His name was Robert."

Grissom pursed his lips. "And I figured Hank. The "baby" thing got back to me pretty fast. I knew that if you slipped and called someone an endearment then he must be well, dear to you."

She shook her head a little. "He wasn't. I started going out with him, hoping that I could force your hand."

"Then" Grissom prompted

"Then I thought well he is a nice guy. He liked me and then there was the Lady Heather thing"

"You knew about that." His gaze faltered

"Everyone knew about that and everyone enjoyed telling me over and over again."

His hand went to his temples. She kissed his hand. "I don't want you not to tell me something because you think it will hurt me."

"I have hurt you enough, more than enough. And I don't want you to feel less desirable because of the stupid shit I've done."

_How was he going to tell her the other stuff? How would he explain it all._

"You are still as beautiful to me as the day I met you in Boston."

She gave a light snort. "Yeah face up in the snow. That was attractive, and you didn't even try to help me up."

"I was breathless. I couldn't move."

She felt her chest expand and contract. "You were?"

"Yes." His hand palmed her naked hip. "I still am."

The kiss was urgent and searching. His hands caressed the soft flesh of her breast. His mouth left hers and closed on to a nipple. Her thin fingers stroked the soft nape of his neck.

He rained kisses down her belly and the tangle of curls below. This time when he pressed her thighs open she yielded. His warm breath moved against her.

"I remembered that you were beautiful, but not this beautiful." She felt her body go warm as his played across her most intimate place. His thumbs worked the tender flesh.

His tongue left her mouth and flicked her hot center. He was rewarded with a soft moan. He pressed his tongue into her. She tasted tangy and sweet. His tongue moved in and out of her walls.

He replaced his tongue with one finger then two. His tongue found her swollen nub and licked furiously across its hardness.

"Arrrrrrr! Gil! I am...going to come...."

"Come for me Sara!"

He felt her body tighten around his fingers and hot liquid poured around them. He watched her body twist and writhe. When she was nearly done, his mouth sucked the hard nub between her legs hungrily.

She opened her eyes. He was lying next her smiling. She looked dreamy.

"I think I passed out."

He kissed and nuzzled at her cheek. "Good?"

"Dr. Grissom you are a man of many talents."

She tasted herself on his mouth. She stroked his erection and he buried his face into the base of her neck. She slithered down his body. She started to take him in her mouth, but Gil pulled her up.

Sara looked into his eyes. "I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"You will."

He pressed her into the sheets. He covered her with his body and moved into her. He closed his eyes and kissed her hair. "You feel better than the first time. How is that possible?"

She wrapped her legs around his waist. He thrust deeply into her. Their mouths assaulted one another. Sara felt him grow inside of her. She knew he was close to the edge.

She opened her eyes when he stopped moving. "Gil what's wrong?"

He shook his head slightly. "I'm trying not to come."

He peered down at her. She smiled up at him. She wriggled her bottom a bit. "Sara!"

She kissed his neck. He let out a guttural groan.

He closed eyes and started to move again. Her hands raked his back. He didn't feel it.


	4. 4

**Chapter 4**

Grissom's sleepy voice startled her. "What are you doing out here? Come back to bed."

When she didn't speak, he came and sat next to her. She didn't look at him.

"Hon?"

"Sofia called."

"She did?"

_Should he tell her now?_

"Actually she sent an interesting text message. It would probably be considered obscene in every state but Nevada. I stopped reading after the first sentence."

Grissom took her hand in hers. "Are you mad at me?"

She gave him a gap toothed grin. "Are you mad at me for reading your text message?"

"I'm tired of keeping secrets."

She smiled at him.

"Was everything okay? I mean was it alright."

Grissom frowned in confusion. His head tilted a bit to the right.

"I mean did you enjoy..." Sara's face was tinged with pink as she played with one of her ears.

Something in his sleep muddled brain came to life. "You mean did I enjoy making love to you. I think I woke the neighbors."

He leaned his head against the couch and looked at her. "You know most women your age assume that a man my age would just be glad to attend the party. Why are you asking me this?"

He saw the words forming on her lips. She stopped. He spoke. "You can tell me anything you know. We just made love and I thought it was wonderful, but if you didn't, you have to tell me. I want to satisfy you."

The words came out in a rush. "Hank said the reason that he cheated on me was because I was not good in bed. He said that I wasn't experienced enough. I thought that might be the reason that we never... that was the reason we never made love again after that night?"

An emotion she didn't recognize passed across Grissom's face. His speech was low and hard. "That's not why I didn't come back. I didn't come back because everything was too intense for me, because I was scared, because I thought you were too young to know what you wanted, because I had...have a number of issues that have nothing to do with you."

She touched the side of his face soothingly.

He pulled her into a tight embrace. "Baby, I am the one that should be worried about satisfying you. I am not a young man. I'm nearly 50."

Her arm went around his neck. "I am immensely satisfied with you and by you Gil Grissom. I don't know any 30 year old men passing out 3 orgasms in one session. "

He laughed softly. "I do what I can. Now are you coming back to bed?"

Sara looked suspicious.

Grissom put a hand to chest. "To sleep, to sleep"

"One second. I need to check my email. My mother has some grand plan for Thanksgiving."

He stood and kissed the top her head. "Catherine is probably going to call my cell. Tell her that the Matthews case is on hold until we get the DNA evidence from Mac in New York and Hon..."

"Yeah?"

"Tell her I said thank you."

Sara was at her desk in the living room typing a quick note to her mother when Gil's cell rang.

Her mother had sent pictures of the addition at the bed and breakfast. She reached for it absently.

"Hey Cath."

"Um... may I speak to Gil Grissom?"

Sara recognized the voice. Sofia.

"He's asleep. Can I take a message?"

"Asleep...I see. You can just tell him..."

Sara disconnected the call and ignored it when it started ringing again.

She snuggled close to a sleeping Grissom. She was surprised to feel his erection against her. "I thought you were asleep."

He kissed her neck. "You woke me up."


	5. 5

**Chapter 5**

It was Sara who woke alone this time. There was a box on the side of the bed where Grissom had slept. Her name was scrawled on it. She opened it to find a dark crimson robe. Silk. She pulled the robe around her and padded to the kitchen.

"Gil," she called before she saw him.

He stood in the doorway talking to someone. She came up behind him. "Where did you get..." her words trailed off as she saw Grissom hunched and in a deep conversation on his cell.

His voice sounded forlorn.

"I am sorry about that. Sofia.."

She could hear a low yell coming from the phone. Grissom rubbed at his temple. It was the first sign of a migraine.

"Sofia please don't do...Will you just listen for a minute? Can you do that?"

Sara had not realized the gasp had come from her own mouth until Grissom turned. He pressed a button on the phone. The yelling from the other end stopped.

"Sara"

She hadn't bothered to tie the robe and she felt vulnerable as he walked to where she stood.

He pulled the robe closed and his lips grazed the spot just behind her ear. She shivered from the intimate contact or maybe she shivered because she was frightened

"What exactly is going on with you and Sofia? It wasn't just a date was it?" Her lips spoke the words against his. Her dark hair fell into her eyes.

Stress pulled his eyes downward. She wondered how fast his heart was beating. She put a hand to his chest.

Awareness filled his eyes and he took the hand from his chest. "I need to call Brass."

He reached for Sara's land line. Brass hurmphed into the phone, "Sidle don't you ever sleep?"

"It's Grissom"

Brass was too sleepy to respond.

"I need you to go to my house."

"What for?"

"I think someone might be trespassing...someone with a key."

Brass looked at the phone. "You know what? I am not even going to ask. You owe me. You owe me big time. I am on my way. I'll call a locksmith and I guess bring the keys to Sara's"

"You are a prince among men Jim Brass."

Grissom had kept Sara close to him while he spoke to Brass, afraid that if he let go of her he would never get her back.He hadn't realized the pressure he was exerting until he hung up the phone. His strong hand was digging into her soft skin like a vice. He sat next to her on the couch.

She surveyed his face as he took a deep breath.

"Sofia and I have been dating on and off for close to six months...mostly on."

Silence.

A blank stare came from her dark eyes. Guilt emanated from his blue ones.

Her words sounded drunk to her ears. "Six months?"

"We were talking about marriage. Actually she was talking about marriage. I was consenting by my silence."

Sara's eyes remained dry. She thought that was a good sign. She wasn't crying. Was she in shock?

"And Heather..."

"I cheated on Sofia with her...on several occasions. Actually I was...am seeing them both at the same time." _The truth Gil. The damn truth. You have been lying to yourself and everyone else since college._

"I am still seeing Heather."

He watched Sara. She didn't seem to be breathing.

"The two things I seem to have inherited from my father are a keen intellect and a penchant for multiple romantic entanglements. I have a problem with commitment. I always have."

Her face seemed twisted. "The rumors in Boston?"

"Mostly true."

"Wow! I think I may be a little insulted that you just got around to servicing me again. No wonder, you are so good at it. I guess quantity does mean quality. Some CSI I am. All these years I thought you were a lonely aloof man, but that was just where I was concerned, right?"

"Sara..."

Sara stood and peeled off the robe. She dropped it in Grissom's lap. The lock on her bedroom door resounded through the small apartment.


	6. 6

**Chapter 6**

Once Gil Grissom had left high school his life almost became effortless. A smart man with dazzling blue eyes he was quite attractive to college coeds, more attractive than the science geek he was in high school. Contrary to popular belief, he was not a man with a limited love life. Not a year had gone by where there wasn't a woman, some woman. They were usually smart, fun and wanted more from Grissom than he was willing to give.

He didn't offer much and he didn't expect much, until he met Sara. She was too young, too pretty, too good for him, always too good for him.

_He had opened the door to his apartment thinking it was the Chinese delivery man. It wasn't. Sara Sidle was in the bright light of the hall, her nearly black hair loose and slightly damp from the drizzle outside. _

_Confusion clouded his voice. He thought that it might a dream. He dreamed about Sara frequently. _

_She hadn't spoken. She had walked into the warmth of the hallway. The slip of a dress she wore came over her head. A trembling hand came out to touch her. She was real. _

_His mouth was on her as he half dragged her to the bedroom. His eyes were dark with desire as he gently pushed her on the bed. His tongue darted in and out of his mouth sucking gently at the muscles in her mouth._

_He entered her more roughly than he would have liked. The barrier of her body stopped him._

"_Sara?"_

_She refused to open her eyes. _

_He held her face in his hand. "Sara is this...is this your first time?"_

_Her lips brushed against his neck. "I want it to be with you. I want my first time to be with you."_

_She pressed herself closer to him and pushed all of him the rest of the way in._

_She had not climaxed the first time. She did later after he bathed her in a cool bath. He had not said anything about the blood on his sheets. He knew that he didn't deserve the gift she had given. After she left in the morning light, he called the department head and told him that he had an emergency and could not continue the seminar. _

_He left Boston the next evening. People in first class must have wondered why the handsome reserved man cried during most of the trip._

_He was too old to be in love with someone who was barely a woman, but he was. He was._

Grissom knocked on the door for the second time in an hour. He had been knocking every hour on the hour since Sara's nude form had retreated behind the door. She didn't answer or move.

When she did finally open the door the tear stained face had a look of resolve. She was wearing his t-shirt.

She walked past him to her kitchen. She opened a bottle of water.

"Will you leave, please?" Her voice held no anger. She was tired of anger. She didn't think she was sad either. What was she? Numb? That was too bland a word for what she was feeling.

"I don't want to leave."

"So I see."

"You are the only woman I have ever loved."

She finished the last of the water and threw the container in the trash. Despite having just downed the bottle her lips were dry and cracked. "Hardly."

"Besides, Brass still hasn't brought my new keys."

"Oh I am sure you can find somewhere to go."

"I don't want to go anywhere else. I only want to be with you. I have only ever wanted to be with you."

"I guess that's where your harem comes in."

"Sara I am trying to be honest about my life....please don't punish me for it."

She hadn't realized that he was so close. He lifted her hair and kissed the back of her neck.

His phone let out a shrill beep. She snapped it up. The number did not display. She handed it to him. He refused to take it. She opened and listened.

Dead air.

Sara broke the silence. "Hello"

The caller hung up.

"I'll do whatever you want. I'll do anything you want, anything!" He was scared. He was scared of loosing her. Sara felt the control surge through her bones. He was the one who was scared this time.

Her stare remained blank. She almost regretted her next words. "Why did you leave me in Boston?"

Hope.


	7. 7

**Chapter 7**

Brass knocked lightly on the door. He was glad that Grissom and Sara had worked things out, but the complications in his friend's love life were going to be the death of him.

Sara's red rimmed eyes startled the veteran cop.

"Where's the big guy."

"Asleep"

"I have the new keys."

Sara's glassy expression took in Jim Brass. "So did you know that he was sleeping with every CSI and suspect in Vegas."

Brass propelled Sara into her apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Sara what happened?"

She looked like she had been drinking. He doubted that she had, but he surveyed the small kitchen and living room just to be sure.

She didn't speak. He waited. He was good at waiting. That's why he and Grissom were such good friends. He could endure his brooding silences and dark moods. After a while he began to talk.

"Cookie, men are stupid."

She snorted disdainfully.

"It's true. Notice how we always catch male killers, like that!" He snapped his calloused hands.

"But women, women are smarter. They rarely get caught cheating. They hardly ever get convicted of murder. That brings me to my next point. You see a woman looks across the room and she knows. You saw Gil strolling across that campus in Boston and you knew. You stopped taking applications. Now men they look across the room and they know too, but it scares the shit out them so they run and they keep running and while they are running they do some more stupid stuff. They sleep with other women. Doesn't matter who she is, what she looks like...none of that matters because we are stupid enough to think that we can screw the love off. Now me... I am an old man and if the maker decides to give me another shot, I won't run, but that's because I've been married and divorced. I know that you can't run and you can't hide. But, a guy like Grissom. A guy who's been single and footloose for years, he doesn't understand that, so he runs, even when one of his nearest and dearest friends tries to talk him out of it. You see Cookie, because you are the smarter sex you have to forgive us for our stupidity. We are doing the best we can with limited brain function."

He stood and kissed Sara on the forehead. "Cookie, I gotta get some sleep. Here's old blue eyes keys and Cookie....punish him some, but not forever."

She smiled thinly and thanked him.


	8. 8

**Chapter 8**

The scene between Grissom and Sofia was inevitable. They were at the CSI/LVPD Thanksgiving dinner. The night shift assumed that Sara and Grissom were dating, but they didn't ask. Grissom and Sara were happy and relaxed and the tension had subsided between them.

Sara was sitting between Nick and Warrick laughing and drinking a glass of red wine.

The room at the Tangiers was loud and rowdy. Tables were laden with food and beverage.

"Aw, Nicky. You should ask her out again. Give the girl a chance."

"No way doll face. She is way out of my league. Warrick you should have seen the house."

"What?"

"And she's the head nurse at General."

Sara leaned closer. "Did you have a good time Stokes?"

"Amazing!" He admitted.

"Call her back Nicky. I think you could handle being a kept man."

She glanced at Grissom who was drawing something on a napkin for Doc Robbins.

"Besides you only get amazing once in a life time."

Grissom caught her gaze and winked quickly.

She beamed at him.

Catherine smiled at the exchange. Things were as they should be

Grissom stood and dangled his keys so that only Sara could see them. She waited 10 minutes.

She kissed Nicky on the cheek and squeezed Warrick's hand.

"Handsomes, I have to go."

Catherine caught Warrick's eye. She looked concerned. He motioned to Nick. They followed Catherine out of the room. They had worked together long enough to follow the choreography. Something was very wrong. Brass caught the tail end of the group.

They were only a few steps behind Sara who was softly humming. When they reached the parking lot, a small gasp escaped from Sara's mouth. Grissom and Sofia were silhouetted against the moon. Sofia appeared to be screaming and Grissom was moving away from her.

Catherine put her arm around Sara to stop the brunette from going any further.

Brass came to stand between the blonde woman and Grissom. She turned the volume up.

"Gil you at least owe me the courtesy of returning my calls. You owe me that much. You owe our child at least that much."

The last voice Sara heard was Catherine's screaming for Nick and Warrick to catch her before she hit the pavement.


	9. 9

**Chapter 9**

She woke in the back of an ambulance. Nick was holding her hand and Warrick was hovering at the door of the vehicle.

Sara moved her head. Nick smiled at her. "Hey there gorgeous."

"What happened?"

"You fainted."

"Why?"

"Probably because you saw Grissom and his ex-girlfriend in the parking lot."

"She said she was pregnant."

Nick looked away.

The entire party had emptied at the sound of sirens. Brass encouraged, cajoled and eventually threatened the law enforcement types to either go back to the party or to go home. Most went home.

Grissom sat slumped in his car trying to figure out how he had gotten himself in this current predicament. Even his fine mind couldn't figure it out.

Catherine's voice broke through the fog. "You should try and see Sara."

He nodded and followed Catherine.

Nick was helping Sara sit up when Grissom stepped into the ambulance. Catherine shot Nick a warning look over his shoulder. The dark haired criminalist left.

Sara searched Grissom's face for some trace of deception. She could find none. He kissed the small wound that she had sustained when she had hit the ground.

"You okay?"

"I think so."

"Gil what is going on?"

"Apparently Sofia thinks she is pregnant with my child."

"Is she?"

His lips turned up in disdain. He was disgusted with himself.

"It's possible. Nothing is 100 percent."

The tears ran down Sara's face.

"You should go and talk to her. Where is she?"

"Brass took her home. Sara, sweetie..."

"Sshhh...Nick will take me home. I'll be at our home when you get back."

"I don't deserve you."

She kissed him hard on the mouth.


	10. 10

**Chapter 10**

Catherine was with Sara when the paramedics finished checking her out.

"Just a few more question CSI Sidle. Have you fainted anytime in the last year?"

She shook her head.

"Has your appetite been okay?"

_Sara Sidle you are going to eat us out of house and home. Is that chicken you're eating?_

"Better, than usual."

"Any weakness or fatigue?"

"_Hey sweetie, you okay? You actually slept for 8 hours."_

"I have been sleeping a little more than usual."

"CSI Sidle when was the last time you had a period?"

"Um..I don't know...last month....no not last month..."

_When?_

"CSI Sidle could you be pregnant?"

"I can't be! I mean I could, but I can't be. Catherine..."


	11. 11

**Chapter 11**

Grissom opened his front door. The townhouse was dark.

He was surprised to see Sara sitting in the dark. "Babe?"

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Sweetie you need to get some sleep?"

"Oh I'll be doing enough of that!"

He frowned and reached to turn on the lamp. "Sweetie, come on, we'll talk about all this in the morning."

"I'm pregnant."

The silence wafted through the house like a ghost tired of haunting.

She waited for his voice. It never came.

"Don't worry about it. I know you can't handle two kids at once, and me, I'm not ready for kids anyway."

Still nothing.

"I am going to bed." She stood without looking at him and went to sleep in the guest room.

When he woke she was gone. He called her at her home and her cell phone. She didn't answer. By noon, he had begun to panic. Could she have scheduled an appointment that quickly?

The evening before he had been numb from his argument with Sofia, he was a man whose demons had caught up with him and he had no response to Sara's stark announcement. He didn't know what he wanted, but he knew that he didn't want her have an abortion.

Grissom walked up the flight of stairs to Sara's. He didn't knock. He used his key.

She was curled in a tight ball on the couch. The TV was on, but she didn't seem to be watching it. A beer was open, but appeared to be full.

"Sara"

Silence

"Why aren't you answering the phone?"

Her black eyes flashed then subsided for a second. She bit his bottom lip. "I didn't know what to say to you."

He reached for the remote and turned the TV off. He took the beer to the kitchen and poured it down the drain.

"You shouldn't be drinking. How much did you have to drink at the party last night?"

"A glass of red wine."

He pulled her up into his arms. She was limp. "Honey I don't want you to abort our child."

"I don't know what I am supposed to do Gil. I don't know what to do? Another woman is also pregnant with your child."

She pushed herself from him. It required a great deal of self-will and effort.

"Gil, I don't think I can do this...with everything else...it's too much."

"Sara, please." His expression was one of resolve and sadness.

"If you love me Gil, you won't ask me to subject myself to this."

When his head dropped she could see the top of his curls where his hair was still dark.

"What are you going to do about the baby?"

"I don't know yet." She stood and took several steps back.

"Will you let me know what you decide?"

"Of course."

He took one last look at her when he put her apartment key into her hand.


	12. 12

**Chapter 12**

Name: Sara Sidle

Father's Name: Gil Grissom

Mothers Occupation: PhD Student, University of Nevada

Father's Occupation: Supervisor, CSI Crime Lab

Reason for considering adoption…

Sara put her pen down.

Reason for considering adoption…

Reason for considering adoption...

Reason for considering adoption…

What was she going to say? She didn't know. She knew other things though. She could say that the little girl in her belly would probably have dark curly hair that would become more unruly when it was humid out. She would be very smart and a little moody. She would probably be drawn to the sciences but might be artistic like her paternal grandmother, the gallery owner or her maternal mother whose handmade quilts were known throughout the country. 

She just knew that this was best for the baby. Babies needed parents who were committed and loved one another. She couldn't give her baby that but she could give her a chance. 

When Grissom had gotten the call about the adoption he told Sara that he understood but he didn't. He didn't understand how she could bear to give up their child. When he had asked if she would let him raise the baby she'd whispered that she couldn't live with that either and had hung up the phone.

Sofia and Grissom were on sparse speaking terms. She had tried in vain to win his attention back with talk of them being a real family. For a time he had considered it, as it would be the least he could do for the one daughter he had left. Ultimately he decided that lying for the sake of his daughter was like lying to his daughter and he was a man that could not stomach another lie. 

Grissom called Sofia to make sure she was okay, met her at the doctors and tried to look at this daughter as the blessing she was. It was best not to think of Sara. She's turned in her resignation a week after her OBGYN had confirmed her pregnancy. 

Catherine watched him slide into despair, unsure what to do. She had no idea that her close friend had battled such demons for years. He had never shared much of his personal life with her and she had thought there was not much personal life to share. 

One winter morning, she tapped on his door. His voice ushered her in.

"Hey"

He looked over his glasses. "Hey"

"How you doing? Really."

His days of keeping secrets were over.

"Not great. Pretty badly."

"How's Sara?"

"Fine I guess. She's not talking to me."

Catherine closed the door and leaned against it.

"And Sofia?"

"She's doing great. The baby is healthy."

"When is she due?"

Grissom frowned. "You know I don't know. I would guess sometime in April"

"She hasn't told you when she's due?"

Grissom rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was tired. He imagined that he felt Sara laughing in his ear and urging him to come home.

_"Sara, the door is not locked. What are you doing?"_

_"What does it look like I'm doing?"_

_"Sara, we can't we're at work."_

_"Then come home."  
_

"I don't think so. Maybe I forgot."

"Maybe" Catherine stood and smiled down at her friend. She touched her hands to Gil's face. A year ago neither she nor he would have felt comfortable with that kind of contact. 

"You hang in there, okay Gil? All is never as bad as it seems."

Ruefulness played across his face, "I have two daughters on the way. One of which will be born to a woman that I'm not married to, the other I probably will never see and the woman I have loved for nearly a decade is done with me. Cath, I think it's pretty bad."

Catherine looked at her friend's sad eyes.

"How about you come over for lunch next Sunday? Lindsey misses you. Besides you need to learn how we parents of daughters do it."

"Will you make your chocolate cake?"

"You've got it."


	13. 13

Chapter 13

Catherine sat in her car in the parking lot and watched Sophia amble into the building. By Grissom's calculations, she should be five months pregnant but Sophia looked to be further along than that.

Catherine had heard the rumours about Sophia and Ecklie. She had not paid much attention to them. There had been rumours about her and Grissom for nearly a decade and none of that had been true.

Catherine's mind began to whirl as she turned the key in the ignition.

XXXXXXX

It took a week to gather enough intelligence. She sat across from Warrick and ticked off the points of her case.

"One, Sophia and Ecklie were definitely sleeping together as late as July. One of the clerks caught them in his office. He bought her silence with a promotion."

Warrick took a fry from Catherine's plate.

"Isn't he engaged?"

"Yep."

She took a fork and cut off a piece of her companion's chicken. "Second, she started dating Grissom at some point in February but she turned up the heat with Grissom in July. Wanting to spend more time with him, dropping by his house wearing tiny little skirts, you know."

Warrick reached for another fry. "Yeah, kind of like what you did to me."

"My car broke down."

"Right on my side of town in front of my house? Come on Cath, the distributor cap excuse was weak especially for a CSI."

She continued. "So what I'm thinking is that this baby is not Gil's but Ecklie's."

Warrick was sceptical. "So if she finds herself knocked up by a guy who is attached why does she have to trap Grissom? She is a grown woman with a career. She can raise the baby as a single parent or make a trip to the clinic."

Catherine hands were in a flurry. "Oh yeah, I forgot her doctor apparently told her that it was a miracle that she got pregnant and it might not ever happen again. Besides no matter what people say no one wants to be a single parent. I mean Eddie was a jerk but he was a good father. Grissom is a good catch. Maybe she thinks he'll marry her one day."

Warrick looked at Catherine. "How do you know all of this?"

"I have lived and worked in Vegas since I was 19. I have had only had two jobs. Discretion and observation were both requirements plus my father owns half the town!"

Warrick glanced at the check. "Does he know about us yet?"

Catherine shrugged. "Probably"

"Great. I'll sweep my house for bugs."

Grissom arrived at Catherine's at noon. She'd said noonish but he was lonely. His house had become tomblike since Sara had left. His anticipating fatherhood should have brought him more, especially at this stage of his life. He tried very hard to live for the one child that he still had left.

XXXXXXXX

He was surprised to see Warrick sitting on the couch trying to learn the intricacies of making a friendship bracelet. Lindsey was not pleased with his progress.

After greeting the duo and bowing out of bracelet making duty he went to find Catherine in the kitchen.

He was pleased to see that she had just finished frosting the chocolate cake.

"Can I lick the spoon?"

She assessed his physique. "You need to. How much weight have you lost anyway?"

"I don't know, 15 pounds."

"Okay well ease up. Enough is enough"

"What if I want to be svelte like Warrick and Nicky?"

'"You were not designed to be svelte. You are a big man so embrace it."

She handed him the frosting spoon.

"I am glad that you got here a little early."

Grissom raised one eyebrow as he took a bite of frosting.

"Why?"

"I need to talk to you about Sofia and her baby."

"Okay…" He didn't know where this was going.

"Have you considered the possibility that this baby might not be yours?"

A frown creased his face. "Catherine I have not been that discerning with my affections. I have um…well you know…I'm not like some guys but I haven't been a priest either. It had to catch up with me sooner or later. I was due."

Catherine's strawberry blond hair danced a bit as she shook her head.

"That's not what I am saying. I think there is a good chance, a very good chance that this baby might be Conrad Ecklie's."

Grissom's mouth was still open when Warrick dashed in with his cell phone. He'd left it in his coat pocket.  
"Griss its Sara. She's at the hospital."

Grissom snatched the phone from Warrick.

"Sara!" Her sobs echoed through the phone and through the room as Warrick and Catherine looked on.

"Sara where are you?"

"I'm at the General. They want to take my baby. They say she can't survive but I know she can. Gil, please come. "

"I'm on my way."


	14. 14

Chapter 14

Grissom walked through the emergency room doors with Catherine. The nurse at the front desk greeted them.

"Catherine, Gil, I didn't know we had any patients that need to be processed."

Gil started to speak but her heard Sara's scream from to the left of him. He turned down the corridor.

"Sara!"

Her return cry came from the first room in he came to. He pushed the door open.

A doctor and a nurse tried in vain to talk to her.

She shook her head like a frustrated child.

Grissom pushed past them and Sara nearly leaped from the bed as she clung to him.

He looked into her swollen eyes. "Honey, Honey, I'm here."

He stroked her hair as he murmured words of love. He glared at the two medical personnel.

"Could you please leave?"

The thin blond doctor started to argue but when she saw the look in Grissom sky colored eyes, she retreated.

"We will come back in a few minutes."

Sara was near hysterics.

"I am sorry. I am sooo sorry. It's all my fault. She thinks I don't want her. She thinks I don't want her. Our daughter thinks I don't want her but I was just trying to do what was best for her."

"Sara you have to tell me what's happening. What's going on?"

"I was bleeding and it wouldn't stop so I came here and now these doctors are telling me that I have this condition that if I don't…." She hiccupped a sob.

"That I have to terminate or I could die."

Grissom's head was reeling. "Sara. You can have other children."

She stopped him with a bark. "No! That's our baby."

"Sara…"

"No!"

He nodded and reached for his phone. "What's your OBGYN's name?"

Dr. Cora Fortenberry arrived an hour later. She was a petite woman with generous curves. Her onyx colored skin was a sharp contrast to her white coat.

There were still traces of an island accent in her voice.

She looked at Sara's scans, listened for the baby's heartbeat, and took Sara's blood pressure. When she wanted to do a more intimate exam, Grissom refused to move until Sara assured him that it was okay.

Dr. Fortenberry smiled at her patient. "Is he always like that?"

Sara's weak voice was filled with love. "Yes."

When she was done she found Grissom in the hall and ushered him into the examination room.

"Okay here's where we stand. The baby looks good. Her heartbeat is strong but Sara has lost a lot of blood and she is very weak. The ER doc is right. If you continue this pregnancy you are in a great deal of danger. Suffice it to say that the baby has a better chance of making it through delivery than you do. Our best bet is to induce and to do a Cesarean on or near your due date."

Sara saw Grissom's eyes pulls down at the corner. He rocked back gently on his heels.

His hands were in his pockets and a bit a tick had started over one eye. He looked at Sara. He knew what her answer would be.

He asked the question. "What can we do to make sure that Sara and the baby survive?"

"Well she is going to have to spend at least half of every day in bed for at least a month, I will need to see her twice week for the rest of her pregnancy. I would suggest that a nurse come to your home tomorrow and everyday for a while. The point is that we have to stave off any contractions, bleeding or stress. We need to be the ones to decide when delivery happens, not Miss Girl."

The doctor patted Sara's stomach.

"Mr. Grissom you got all of this?"

Sara interjected. "Oh we don't live..."

Grissom reached for her hand. "I understand Doctor."

"Okay then I will see you on Tuesday and call my office in the morning for the name of a nursing service."

She paused in the doorway looked from the frazzled father to her patient. As she spoke her accent became more prominent.

"You know this is not my business but I am my mother's child. I see parents everyday in all kinds of situations and circumstances. I am of the opinion that some people should not be allowed to give birth and that some people should not be allowed to become parents but the two of you are neither of those people. I don't what made you come to decision that you wanted to give you baby up but I can't imagine where she will find two better parents."


End file.
